Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
