So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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