did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
