yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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