Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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