I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There's always time for handjobs
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
