dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
