do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
