My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No subtext here. People are naked.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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