I wish I could teleport
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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