No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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