the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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