He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
