dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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