If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
