she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
