I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
