i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
