...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
