shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
