R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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