Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
