Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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