this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
