I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
