I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
