i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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