Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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