the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
