Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize