He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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