You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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