yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
