he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
