that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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