It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
