i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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