absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
