The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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