well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
