Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
