Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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