I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
