dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
