Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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