He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
