TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
