i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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