Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
