well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
