You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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