Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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