This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
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