how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
