ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
