Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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