There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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