so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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