70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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