I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
