i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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