There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
zippers are such a cool invention
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
