At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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