were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
