My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
