are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize