The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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