Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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