If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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