I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
