So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
