she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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