glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
