It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
