he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
